why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

cus it was dead! =D roflmao

what is black and white with words on it? an old newspaper

ONE DAY I WET WITH MY MOM TO THE STORE....
THERE WAS A MAN THAT HAD THE BIG EST SMILE WITH A SET OF DIMPLES IVE EVER SEEN
APPARENTLY MY MOM THOUGHT SO TOO . SO SHE WENT UP TO THE GUY AND SHE... WAS STARTING UP A CONVERSATION WHEN SHE SAID IT!!!....... you HAVE VERY NICE NIPPLES :O I WAS LIKE WHAT! DID I HEAR HER CORRECTLY. THE GUY JUST BURST OUT LAUGHING. MY MOM WAS SO EMBARRASSED. she ME NT TO SAY DIMPLES BUT ENDED UP SAYING NIPPLES FOR SOME REASON.... SO WE WALKED OUTTA THE STORE AS FAST AS WE COULD. SINCE THEN WE HA VENT SEEN HIM AROUND THE STORE!!! thank GOODNESS. (more)

I was in grade 10 at the time, sitting in Advanced English class. My friends and I were playing a game where we would find weird words in the dictionary. It was at the end of the day on a Friday, so... my brain wasn't really working to full potential :p. Anyways, as I was skimming through the dictionary, I noticed the word "laughter", which I then pronounced it out loud as "lorter" since it's spelt similar to daughter. My best friend looked over my shoulder and said "don't you mean 'laughter'?". My friends laughed for about 20 minutes. I'm now at university and my friends still haven't let me live that "blonde moment" down. Thank you Advanced English, for killing my brain. (more)

SON:mom am i gay? MOM:idk son do you like boys. SON:no but i do think there cute. MOM:well do you like girls? SON:no there mean to me but the boys are nice so whats that mean. MOM:omg!! son your... homo!! (more)

Mother: My son, Please buy me some vinegar at the store.

After several minutes...

Mother: oh?! Where's the vinegar???!!!!
Son: Mom, just wait. Can't you see, im still wearing my... SHOE"S"!

;0) LOL ;0) (more)

pray

yo mama is so fat she went to the restroom she didn't even flush it

NOTE: This is all ONE joke.

How do you put a elephant in a refrigerator? You open the door and put him in! How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator? You take the elephant out and put him... in! The king of the jungle had a meeting and all the animals were there EXCEPT... the giraffe because he was in the refrigerator! If you had to cross 30-feet in crocodile infested waters, how would you do that? You just swim across because all the animals where at the meeting!!!! LOL!!!!  (more)

My most embarrassing moment happened in Cowan Road Middle. We had a project to do about oceanography, and we got to make either a power point, poster, illustration, or report. My friend made a power... point and on one of the slides it said, "Which one belongs under the water?" It had MY picture on it, one of my OTHER friends, and a dolphin. All of my classmates started to laugh. I was turning red as the ocean sunset! I'll never forget that time. (more)